Requiste pre-New Years Eve Entry

Every year either in my own diary, or in my old blog(xanga) it was a personal tradition for me to write an entry on the eve of the year that is new putting my thoughts into a collective entry about the year past, and the year to come. It is hard to put one years worth of months, weeks, days, hours and minutes into one summative entry. It is limiting, and virtually impossible. Nonetheless it is tradition. And when you are a Jew, tradition is quite important, even if it's the traditions you create for yourself.
*2009 began semi-optimistically. Spent with people who were very relevant to my life at the time. Those people still matter. Some more than others. And their place in my life has altered and shifted as have my emotions as a direct result of that shifting.
-I had a major cosmetic procedure that was something I never thought I would do. I mean, who would choose to be cut open voluntarily all for the sake of vanity? Not I said the little one. However, after much research, thought and consideration it was something I wanted to do and I am far happier for it. And you find out who your true friends are when you are bed-ridden and at the mercy of others.
- I landed 2 waitressing jobs, one lasted 4 months; and the other didn't end up happening save for a week of training.
-I sought out to do something I had wanted to do for a long time. Volunteer work. I went through a 40 hour training process and I am a trained Online Hotline Volunteer for RAINN. It is extremely rewarding on a plethora of levels. I hope to do more volunteer work in the future and continue with RAINN in the new year.
-I am in the process of applying to graduate school for Social Work. For the last few years the idea of going into Social Work has lingered in the back of my mind, only to really take on a permanent spot in the forefront in the last few months. I am applying as of now, to two schools in the city, for next fall.
-I have learned a few lessons I never thought I would have needed to learn on a personal level, but I handled those situations in the most mature fashion I could summon the strength to do, and I am extremely proud of myself for it. I respect myself so much, and I am determined to show people how to treat me. I am not going to allow people into my life, be it in a romantic or platonic fashion, unless they have something positive and enlightening to contribute. Life is too short for the bullshit.
-I lost 25lbs. Yes, I know, as the fat girl who hates skinny girls it is disgusting that I am listing this as one of my achievements, however, for me it is an achievement. I sought out to do it, and I did it. It was a New Years Resolution and I actually accomplished it. I altered my diet a lot in the last year and it paid off. The people who notice the weight loss the most are the random people in the street or store clerks. Like my Chinese food delivery guy, or my pharmacist. And I take their "You lost A LOT of weight." as a compliment not an insult.
-I got my heart broken once, and definitely shattered at least on one other occasion. Lessons learned. Their loss, not mine. My immunity for sifting through the time wasters and game players gets stronger through these experiences and each bad dating experience leads me one step closer to a potential really great dating experience.

*HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYBODY! I will write my new year's eve wrap up and resolution list, yes list tomorrow(What did ya actually think I only had one resolution?)

My childhood friends

My childhood friends, where have you gone?
You used to be right by my side
You used to follow me around in the school yard
You used to stand waiting for me against the bike racks anticipating the sound of that first bell
that bell signaling we were let out of our cages and were free
I bounced on heels so high ready to greet you both
eager to take that long walk home
Together we walked, we skipped, we laughed;
we shared sandwiches and stories of adolescent toils with each other
and the asphalt beneath our feet

My friends where did you go?
It's like you vanished to some other place
Lingering in the atmosphere, beside the notes we passed that were thrown away, and our secrets whispered in the staircase,
Our bond was broken,
the day we turned 17
When in an instant everything I knew just went away
Puberty came and changed the rules,
Of the game we played after school.
You hid away from the only friend you had
as if you had forgotten the days when you used to follow me around incessantly
How do you deny what once was, as if it never had even been

Today I know you are out there
Many others have taken my place
Maybe they do a better job
In your mind
Than I ever did
But I know the truth
the truth which you hath denied.

Where the darkness meets the light

Somewhere between the shadow of where darkness meets the light, my thoughts mingle and collide inevitably falling back to you. Its late, and time has elapsed yet I still feel you. My face has matured. My body has developed womanly curves, and my heart has broken into a thousand pieces a hundred times. Life has taken me to places near and far. I have done things you wouldn't believe. I have said things you will never know. You never saw any of this, but it is there. It is there underneath the make-up, beneath my fingertips that grasp cigarettes so tight whenever you are near. It is there behind my eyes that still sparkle whenever you are around like green sapphires. Like the name you gave me. The name that I wrote in a black Sharpie on the floor boards of your garage. It's laced in the music I still listen to. The same music I have been listening to for a decade. The alternative side of me you unlocked when you kissed me in the cold when we were just 13. We are still the same. Can you still feel that? Do you still remember those moments that I remember in the dark and in the cold where the darkness meets the light.