Hello heartbreak my old friend
You've come to visit me again
You've brought with you pain
That hurts me just the same
I hear the promises of change
The tears, the sorrow, same old game
A few years older, but none wiser
Its a shame
Seasons changed and you are gone
While my love for you still lingers on
I hope and pray that I'm the only one
and that you will see
I can only wait and hopefully you choose me
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Saturday, May 9, 2009
a blog, a birthday, the flu oh my!
My birthday is in three days. And as per usual, it doesnt feel like my birthday. It never feels like my birthday. Not since I was five. When I was five years old my parents made me a birthday party at The Ground Round. Which is no longer in existence. They hired a girl from one of those kids party agencies to come dressed as Ariel from my favorite movie at that time, The Little Mermaid. The look on my face was priceless. Until the age of tweleve, I thought for sure that she was the real Ariel. I thought I had to be the luckiest girl in the whole world for Ariel from The Little Mermaid to come to my birthday party. She did games and face painting and it was the coolest thing ever. Ever since then it never quite feels like my birthday when it is my birthday. I have been sick all week for starters.
So, last week I was totally excited, now, not so much. Sick days always seem to have a way of making you hate everything. Thats sorta the mood I have been in. Being stuck indoors with a nasty stomach flu for the last 4 days I feel as if the world has progressed at this rapidfire pace without me and I am totally lagging behind socially. There were parties, and gatherings, places I could have gone to, things I could have done, people I could of seen, but instead I was stuck in doors. Its awful. The last time I remember being sick sick, like this was my senior year of high-school. Thats like six years ago! I guess I was overdue for the flu.
On top of it, the second I stopped throwing up and looking like I was totally dying, my mother felt it was time to antagonize me like she always does assuming I must be all better and have the strength it takes to answer back, and frankly I didn't. But, I had to anyway. Oh, Jewish mothers, G-d's way of making Jewish children never want to have kids of their own.
This last year has been a strange year. Almost like a non-year. Like maybe half a year has gone by but not a full year, basically because I have nothing to show for it. Half of the promises I made for myself upon graduating from college a year ago I never followed through on, and half the things I set out to accomplish I never accomplished. I kind of want to do this year all over again. But this time, make it better. I didnt get my driver's license, but I am not entirely to blame, my mom is(although, my therapist would tell me that I have control over everything in my life, but as nice as that would be, right now I don't). I am still at the mercy of my parents, and they are the reason I had to re-schedule my road test four times last summer/fall, because they refused to take me out driving. So, a year later, and still no closer to the liberation that driving brings. I do not have a job. Yeah, thats a pretty major disappointment. I will take part of the blame for this one. I am woman enough to admit when something is my fault, and my lack of employment is 75% my fault. I wanted the summer to decompress, to sort of reflect on my life post-college. And I reflected, and decompressed, and then the economy collapsed and well, that paired with my overwhelming fear of rejection has stood in the way of my employment. I did nab a nifty little internship,however, six weeks in, the economy snatched that right out from under me. I had two interviews over two weeks ago, and have yet to hear back.
I dated a little bit during the summer with no interest or intention of getting into anything serious, but, the relationship sort of found me, more than I sought it out, and lo and behold by mid-September I had a new boyfriend. Although, not really that new, since I had known him a while. Before I knew it I fell head over heels about someone in all honesty I never would have thought I would ever be dating let alone using the term falling head over heels for. And in typical Lizzie dating fashion, the harder I fall for the guy, the harder he breaks my heart. And now its May and I am single again. Which I guess isnt so bad, because I am independant enough that I enjoy my own company, am not shy to go to movies or eat in restaurants by myself, I tend to meet new guys easily, and I have amazing friends, quite a few of which are single who are totally all the love a girl could ever ask for. So, not terrible I guess. I think I am going to take Summer 09' as the chance to do everything I wanted to and more in Summer 08'. I am going to have a Summer 08' and Fall 08' do-over, except its no longer 2008. I am going to learn to drive! I am going to get a job!(hello, economy!) and I am going to enjoy being single in whatever capacity that takes me.
Hey, look at that, this blog thing is not half bad. What began as a glass half-empy blog, has now evolved into a glass half-full blog.
xo
Lizz
So, last week I was totally excited, now, not so much. Sick days always seem to have a way of making you hate everything. Thats sorta the mood I have been in. Being stuck indoors with a nasty stomach flu for the last 4 days I feel as if the world has progressed at this rapidfire pace without me and I am totally lagging behind socially. There were parties, and gatherings, places I could have gone to, things I could have done, people I could of seen, but instead I was stuck in doors. Its awful. The last time I remember being sick sick, like this was my senior year of high-school. Thats like six years ago! I guess I was overdue for the flu.
On top of it, the second I stopped throwing up and looking like I was totally dying, my mother felt it was time to antagonize me like she always does assuming I must be all better and have the strength it takes to answer back, and frankly I didn't. But, I had to anyway. Oh, Jewish mothers, G-d's way of making Jewish children never want to have kids of their own.
This last year has been a strange year. Almost like a non-year. Like maybe half a year has gone by but not a full year, basically because I have nothing to show for it. Half of the promises I made for myself upon graduating from college a year ago I never followed through on, and half the things I set out to accomplish I never accomplished. I kind of want to do this year all over again. But this time, make it better. I didnt get my driver's license, but I am not entirely to blame, my mom is(although, my therapist would tell me that I have control over everything in my life, but as nice as that would be, right now I don't). I am still at the mercy of my parents, and they are the reason I had to re-schedule my road test four times last summer/fall, because they refused to take me out driving. So, a year later, and still no closer to the liberation that driving brings. I do not have a job. Yeah, thats a pretty major disappointment. I will take part of the blame for this one. I am woman enough to admit when something is my fault, and my lack of employment is 75% my fault. I wanted the summer to decompress, to sort of reflect on my life post-college. And I reflected, and decompressed, and then the economy collapsed and well, that paired with my overwhelming fear of rejection has stood in the way of my employment. I did nab a nifty little internship,however, six weeks in, the economy snatched that right out from under me. I had two interviews over two weeks ago, and have yet to hear back.
I dated a little bit during the summer with no interest or intention of getting into anything serious, but, the relationship sort of found me, more than I sought it out, and lo and behold by mid-September I had a new boyfriend. Although, not really that new, since I had known him a while. Before I knew it I fell head over heels about someone in all honesty I never would have thought I would ever be dating let alone using the term falling head over heels for. And in typical Lizzie dating fashion, the harder I fall for the guy, the harder he breaks my heart. And now its May and I am single again. Which I guess isnt so bad, because I am independant enough that I enjoy my own company, am not shy to go to movies or eat in restaurants by myself, I tend to meet new guys easily, and I have amazing friends, quite a few of which are single who are totally all the love a girl could ever ask for. So, not terrible I guess. I think I am going to take Summer 09' as the chance to do everything I wanted to and more in Summer 08'. I am going to have a Summer 08' and Fall 08' do-over, except its no longer 2008. I am going to learn to drive! I am going to get a job!(hello, economy!) and I am going to enjoy being single in whatever capacity that takes me.
Hey, look at that, this blog thing is not half bad. What began as a glass half-empy blog, has now evolved into a glass half-full blog.
xo
Lizz
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