yesterday

yesterday i held your hand. fingers gliding between your slender fingers. the day before that we hugged goodbye, who knew it would be our final goodbye. the next day I cried. cried for weeks, cried for months. sometimes I cried for no reason. A television show we used to watch, a coffee shop we once went to, a street we once passed by. Other times my tears have a purpose. A purpose of honoring what we had. My tears had meaning. Tears for the passage of time. Tears for us growing another day older, another day wiser. Tears that the way I felt on that day will never be felt again. People may enter our lives. But the way we were together will never be exactly the same. Each love is different. Stronger perhaps, but just knowing it will be different is alright by me. I cry for what could of been, what was, and what will never get the chance to be. And then, just like that, the tears stopped. The sun shines again, the rain goes away. The pain still lingers, but less sharp. Its more of a dull ache, or sadness. Soon I will be able to hear your name, see it spelled out on paper and not feel emotionally destroyed by you. I will feel happy for you someday. Wish you well even. Maybe we will pass on the street and even exchange pleasantries, the kind where we smile genuine smiles and make plans to get together that we both know we will never actually keep, but we both smile and plan to anyway. Soon, someone new will fill the void that you once filled. Someone new will stand in your place. Just like that. And I may love them. But not in the same way I loved you yesterday.