Thank You 2010

2010 was a good year.

In fact, as years go it was the best.

They say the way you spend your New Year's Eve is the way you will spend your year.
I spent last year with my wonderful best friend Rita and her family in her cozy house in the Northern suburbs of New Jersey eating delicious Russian food and drinking.

That is a metaphor for how the rest of 2010 went for me.
I ate lots of good food, with lots of good people and just enjoyed myself.

2010 was a year that was hopeful. Literally consumed with possibilities both professionally and romantically.
I accomplished many goals large and small, some of which were New Year's Resolutions.

In typical Lizzie fashion I will make a list of some of the personal highlights of 2010!

1.) I GOT INTO TOURO GRADUATE SCHOOL'S MASTERS OF SOCIAL WORK PROGRAM- Graduate School has meant the world to me. I wish I had done it right out of college. I love the school, the program, the professors, and most significantly learning about a profession that I am passionate about. Discovering a career that I am passionate about has made learning exciting. This feeling, this connection that I have for Social Work, is the missing link. I sit in class and feel part of, unlike much of my school experiences prior where I felt detached and disconnected. It's been a blessing.
2.) DR. MCDREAMY- Who would have thought this little boy whose adorable baby pictures I had spent much of my life staring at, would come into my life like this? Who would have thought I would be dating someone my mother set me up with. And, who would have thought my mom would actually manage to set me up with a Doctor!?!! Through ups, downs, laughs, debates, and many embarrassing moments(most often on my end) time shared with him has been nothing short of amazing.
3.)BOSTON-It was the best of times, the worst of times. I had wanted to visit Boston since I was 13 and my camp went on a 5 day trip there that I missed thanks to my parents pulling me out of camp early that summer. And back in April I finally got to. My fabulous friend Nattaly who was studying at Boston College got to play host and tour guide showing us many of the sights that the city of Boston has to offer. The Liberty trail, Quincy Market, Little Italy, Salem, Harvard and the Sam Adams Brewery. It was the last time all 4 of the Jewish BOR Whores as my lovely college girlfriends call ourselves were together.
4.)BARTENDING SCHOOL-I had always wanted to learn to bartend and it finally occurred to me over the summer to go for it. A two week course at New York Bartending School taught me how to make everything from Manhattan's to Cosmo's, Bay Breeze's to Blow Job shots, and all the wine, spirits, beer and cordials in between. I also managed to make 24 different drinks in under 6 minutes. Hopefully I can get a job in 2011 and put those skills to use.
5.)EBAY,AMAZON,ETSY, OH, MY-One of my small goals was to sell my stuff online. My mother and I have started to make a small dent and a decent sized profit selling crafts, clothes, books and dvd's online.
6.)FINANCIAL INDEPENDENCE-I finally got control of my finances which were under my parents clutches for the past 25 years. With the money I have made from my online business sales I have been able to establish a little bit of financial independence and even bought myself a brand new laptop back in October which I am using to type this entry.
7.)YOGA-I have rediscovered yoga in the last two months through an awesome studio with locations throughout Manhattan called Yoga to the People. I enjoy the whole experience of yoga and the way it gently transforms your mind, body and soul. Hopefully 2011 will mark a deeper exploration and dedication to attending more yoga classes.

I think I will end the list at 7. 7 is a nice lucky number, or so they say. These and so many more reasons are why I am thankful to have had a happy, joyous, and exciting 2010.

Goodbye 2010, it's been a pleasure!
See you all next year!

Love,
Elizabeth Stacy

For a Boy

In childhood we were innocent.
Bright blue eyes, baby soft skin, and everything was pure.
For years and decades we were apart,
you were just the little boy with the yellow hair and big blue eyes that peered at me through your baby pictures
Time and years and distance,
childhood, adolescence,
all the while we never knew each other.
Adulthood is where we met,
though it was like meeting for the very first time.
I never saw it coming but that is how it always happens.
It's when you aren't looking for the light that the light finds you.

Things have changed since then
since the days of Fisher Price toys and innocence.
you are older now,no more blonde hair, but your eyes
your eyes are still as blue as they were when we were children although age and wisdom has colored them a different hue.

In many ways we are different. You possess so many qualities of maturity, dignity and a dedication to helping others, all skills I someday hope to possess
When last I saw you I looked at a little boy and now before me stands a man.
A man of honor, a man of courage, a man of strength.
A man who has so much I admire.
A man I want to always know.

for a father

It was just yesterday I was three years old and you would bounce me on your knee.
I smiled and laughed and wanted to stay like this forever and didn't know that things could change
I am 25 now, and you don't even know my name
I don't want to think back on yesterdays and memories of what ifs and how it used to be.

There were more days I was mad at you and days we didn't speak
Times I cursed you and wished bad things
There was more bad than good and that makes me sad, and probably always will.
I have always worried about you, when you should have been busy worrying about me
Nights I waited up for you to come home before I went to sleep.
And after years of waiting and you didn't come home, I would go to bed early just so I didn't have to see you.
Clutching my covers tightly around my chin, I would shut my eyes and pretend to be asleep when you finally came home and peered into my room to check on me.
I did that for years and realized how sad that was that it had gotten to that point.

There were so many times you disappointed me, promised trips to Disney World, vacations and broken promises you would come home.
After so many broken promises I stopped waiting up, and learned to get by on my own.

I guess the reason I stared out windows was because I was secretly waiting for you.
To be my knight in shining armor and give me something worth waiting for.
I can't understand how you could let things get this bad.
I never understood how you could abandon your family.
I understand now how flawed you are, and maybe one day I will be able to talk to you without tears in my eyes.

25 Things You Oughta Know About Me

1. I have a 14(soon to be 15)year old cat named Steffi. She was a rescue and I have had her for 12 years.
2. My initials(excluding my middle initial) are ET, like the movie. Yes, I always make sure to phone home.
3. My parents thought I was going to be a boy. My name would have been Eric Scott.
4. I speak a few words of Spanish and around 25 words of Russian.
5. While on the subject of languages I really would love to eventually become fluent in Russian.
6. I have only been on a plane one time in my life and it wasn't until I was 22!
7. I can't ride a bike, swim, or roller skate.
8. I hate roller coasters, but love amusement parks, fairs, and arcades.
9. I have a Hebrew name and intend to give all of my future children Hebrew names as well.
10. I have eaten sushi every single week since I was 16 years old. At most I have had it 8x in one week.
11. My favorite dish to make is Russian Olivier salad.
12. I have tons of food allergies and things I have to avoid. It sucks, cuz most of them are yummy!
13. I was born on Mother's Day.
14. I do not own a microwave, washing machine, dryer, or dishwasher.
15. I still sleep with stuffed animals, one of which is a turtle tot who I have had and cherished since my third birthday.
16. I have never played sports, however I am extremely flexible.
17. This is not the only blog I have. The other one is a secret that nobody knows about.
18. I have a vast knowledge of random pop culture trivia, particularly involving celebrities and music.
19. My favorite board game is Scrabble.
20. I almost taught High School English.
21. I love volunteer work and once I get back on a steady routine I intend to volunteer at least once a month.
22. I have had almost every hair color except for blue.
23. My mom and I have the same initials,
24. I only look sweet and innocent.
25. There is so much more to me than meets the eye...

Things We Dare Not Say

There are things that we dare not say.
Rules unspoken outlining thoughts forbidden.
There are rules unwritten that say that it is too soon to truly open up
too soon to share what weighs heavy on your mind and in your heart
Is it out of fear?
Fear of what?
Fear of how others will receive our feelings, our thoughts, our worries and our struggles
Is it a fear of being judged,
A fear that by confessing our innermost thoughts that will somehow change the shape and dynamics of our interactions
and the course of our relationship will forever be altered.

My whole upbringing has been based on fear
I was reared by hands shaky and uncertain
With not necessarily actions that screamed FEAR,
but words unsaid that spoke volumes about how much fear lingered in the air and in this world.
I lived in a house, an apartment, where the fear of change crushed me and threatened to turn me into a miserable, fearful person.
But I got out.
I learned some years ago that fear is not always there to protect you.
Sometimes you have to ignore the fear and do that which is scary.

I am scared.
I am not afraid to say that I am afraid.
That is my deepest secret.
My darkest confession.
I am scared.

Scared of what you ask?
Scared of everything.
Scared that I will make the wrong decision.
Scared that I will fail.
Scared that I will make a mistake that will forever alter the course of the rest of my life.
A mistake that will make me a failure.
I am afraid to fail. Petrified to fail. Terrified of failure.
and rejection
let's not forget rejection.
Rejection is fear's ugly cousin.


I am scared you are not the one for me.
More than that I am scared you are
I am scared that you are my last best shot at happiness and you will inevitably slip away
I am scared you are already slipping away, some moments I can actually feel it.
Feel you right next to me yet already gone.
We are always watching the clock, painfully aware of the time, the hands ticking away at our time together.
I am afraid life and distance and time will get in the way of us being the best us we can be.
I am afraid I am not good enough for you.
I am afraid I am falling for you but I am just filling empty space for you, space that someone else could easily come along and fill.
I am scared of falling for you, letting go and falling hopelessly and emphatically in love with you and you won't be strong enough to catch me,
scared you won't even be there..

but you will never know any of this
because these are the things I dare not say.